chuck close took these photos of kate moss. he describes his style of portraits to accentuate every flaw on one’s body. he said he thought she’d be upset with them. she told him she’d had enough pretty pictures taken of her. yet i think this is beautiful. the confidence one must have to do such a thing is absolutely awe-inspiring. to know one’s self so well & to be content with every knick & chip is something to aspire to. to know that those supposed shortcomings are really not at all, they are the detail to a great work of art.
i long to be so bold, with such courage & poise. i am jealous of that freedom, that sense of self i have yet to attain but strive for wholeheartedly each day. to be completely, totally, utterly happy in your own skin.
i just found out a girl i went to school with growing up is now doing porn.
i wonder if that’s why she did it ?
to feel brave & free ? to be happy in her skin ?
of course, it is. because she wants to feel attractive. she wants to feel good about herself. i don’t know if swallowing secretions all over the internet is the best way to go about it, nor do i believe it will actually fill whatever hole she’s trying to fill.
it’s funny how people react to their insecurities.
one day, i’ll tell a marvelous story about a woman who always dreamt of living on this street with her family. she created this wonderful dream & a home to match, with each tile individually picked with her own meticulous hands. & then how it completely fell apart. the woman slowly deteriorated into a shallow frame of the mother she once was. her husband, the father, worked away his days in a haze of denial. the eldest daughter ran off into the feigned refuge of a (complete sham of a) relationship & a cloud of smoke. the youngest stayed in her room, her head buried into a school book.
all that was left standing was this house, in all its actualized glory…
but now even that is gone.
we sold our bad memories & false hopes to the higest bidder.
& i almost feel good about it.
with the new year it was as though i washed away part of my past by moving out of that house. starting fresh. there are no ghosts in this house. no recollections of nights attending to the fermented lying around, haunting me in each corner.
i had beautiful thoughts to actualize.
i’m just still in a daze.